Really, all i can do is feel.
And rising at 4:30 isn't as bad as the 3am'ers, it's going to sleep while the spring*ish sun has yet to set that frazzles me.
Yoga, you do me in-
In so many (heartfelt, lung expanding, soma/aesthetic) ways.

Back in Berk, I feel Willful and start 2 a'days, con run o ride, y school. (whenever I leave WA i feel slightly frumpalump, like i didn't get MINE MINE MINE-TIME)

Thus bodywork, spa and study groups before I fly south to serve...

Journal Entry #
Alright, life isn't as gloomy as I felt yesterday...

I am allowed to be sad as my last living great-parent passes.
I am allowed to be pissed that I am sick.
It's fine that cutting ties (with boys) is hard.

BUT

the sunshine came out.
The Amgen guys rode through (hot and fast)!
I am dressed in red and yellow.

wetter is better?
whether its the moistening in between thighs,
or today's rain that feeds the green.
the tears washing my face,
remind me to let go---------------
(breath) so that fluid can keep flowing.
Lubricant lingers; building upon the last warmth, pulsation, motion.
Wetness is Good.
Maybe thats what all those showers in seattle were about?


I am sad. Intuition says
Let it go...
Let it all go.
What if- this is as good as it gets?
No hopes for more,
no desire to be related to.
B/c I am relation.

My strings of love fly away,
A dear family member is about to die.
Making space for new hope,
my story gains depth.

Integrating wisdom thus far learned;
like a book with lines left blank,
Ready to be picked and drawn upon.
My bones are not bare,
I've got breath and memory, ambition and honesty.

Thus I know I must let you go.
.To make space for more.

Scheisse.

I made $200 at the airport today, having done what I do best.

Got home earlier than expected, hopped on mon vélo & made it to my favorite yoga class.

Went grocery shopping for yumminess a'plenty.

Then heard that my last living grandparent had a stroke and is in the hospital.

Looks like it's already time to head back up to WA...

Luckily I didn't unpack the car of my skis and bag.

Studying in Fremont, capitol hill, and the U- I find myself reflecting:

About when I lived here, (blocks w/in) and enjoyed bundling up for the PNW adventures.

Oh and- and oh; this weekend of flirtatious fun:
We danced until the dj stopped.
Walked up Mount Si in the rain and glissaded down.
Engaged in Acro Yoga- excitingly flying one another.
Took a couple mixed sex group showers...playing while the water cleansed.
Went to an overwhelmingly good South Indian food dinner w/Chiddites and Yogis.
Tried new yoga instructors.
Ran familiar trails.
Actually watched a movie; "Alice Adams"- 1930's Americana comedy!
Shared space with lovers.
Found that my old hood inspires the same ol good feelings inside.

I like seattle. I like people in seattle. I'll live here again, indubitably.
But tomorrow I fly first class back home, b/c thats how I roll.

love lovelovelove love.

oh this day of lavish love,
I arrived in seattle where it's 20 degrees cooler than berzerkeley.
I went to the dentist and almost passed out.
I've eaten nothing but chocolate so far,
I am at UW visiting someone I love.

Maybe some yoga, and a dinner with my lady.
Then some "booty shakin" dancedancedance with A; fine being or two...
may the juices flow,
the heart pump,
Oh WA-WA, i love you so.

Outside Rules.

Go out there.
Put it out there.
Be the/re.

I am so happy right now, I could cry-
This filthy rich grin on my face won't wipe away...
My insides dance like Pop Rocks on a tongue.
I am tickled with fanciful feelings, head to toe.

Could it be thanks to the bicycle?
Or the boys who share movement with me?
Perhaps the ladies that feed inspiration;
and the squirrels outside my window, leaping branch to branch, without fear.

I am cherry flavored jell-o, and minty fresh jill-o,
I am more.
I am leaving to ski Tahoe...
Leaving the bike and mat, allowing distance to create desire.

Hot springs, mountains and friends feed me,
not the same, not needing to be compared.
I have so much love for diversity,
and this morning's yoga practice fed the beast within.

We Kaaaa'ed in crow, we karate kicked from Warrior III, we channeled Steven Seagal's kung fu energy into the room.
I was held, and held space for another.
I laughed and sweat.
I had dynamic balance throughout...

Sheisse, Namasté.

C.ontent. O.rganized. G.rateful.

I am full of pleasurable emotions as I munch an apple & raw almond butter, devising a ride plan. OOooooooohhhhhhh E, all this fresh air and hip release yoga, hasn't only gotten me almost walking with one leg behind my head, but also a beautifully new order for my pelvis. With this i feel my straddle splits succumbing to gravity and giving up tensions. Just as I feel my mind working differently while I ride.

A softening. Without losing determination, strength, judgment.
An openness to muscular tension, goal pursuance, and relating.
Anxiety around the vulnerability feels more at ease.

I thank the world around me for these.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yummy. Yum Me.

idea exchanging. bike rides. Yoga. experiential focus. guacamole. friends accompany. response papers. long talks with delicate thinking. CV, warm tea, laundry. I am sleepy.

clear your throat.
sit up tall.
wax some hair.
polish your shoes, nails and teeth.
Act humane .
sleep diagonally on a horizontal plane.
dream of me.


Hahahahahahaaaalright peeps. The aforementioned translates as: school, ride, yoga, read, sleep. Although I LOVE my schedule, tis insistent. So, I am living according to my utmost needs, insuring juice for the moose and squeaking in odder activi-tays as can be. Like skiing Tahoe this Fri/Sat and riding a fundraiser on Sunday.

Me adrenal POW-POW-POW is hitting a plateau, and i oughtta take herbs b/c I am still going. In fact, in light of my recent cleansing, it's no wonderland I am feeling like a dodo bird.

The rest of my banter is nothing to be taken seriously. I am simply buying time from you as I am home from _______(it happens after school), and off to yoga.

So this double-a-day yoga shit is sweet. Then the sun comes out and invites me to play, so I hop on my trusty steed and ride away...
Phew, for a moment I thought my "inside voice" was going to dominate.
Buuuut NO, I ride the berkeley hills, trying to pass everymotherfucker in their giddy-up, get-up along the way, and I am sure out of their own joy, they let me pass, b/c I am not that fast!

School happens 3x/week, so my "schedule" is available to be governed by self sought discipline. However, I was contacted about an internship at Kaiser Hospital AND of coarse I'd take the opportunity, although this means I'll have to sleep less in order to get my fill of everything.

Sister A, come home please. Lets bust this joint with pure pleasure of our mindful competitive edge and throw ze homies off the ledge. Hmmmm par'ner?